I Can Still Feel Your Touch (i can still taste your tongue
by Lightning-sama
Summary: It's been a two weeks since Paige's body had been found and the Hales are going to the funeral, but Derek refuses to go.


For some reason FF doesn't have Talia as a character?

* * *

"Derek, baby you coming?" Talia pauses at Derek's door, she's wearing black, they all are. They'd received their invitation to the girl, Paige's, funeral nearly a week ago.

Derek just curls tighter on the bed, his rooms dark and no one, not even Peter, had been able to coax him out of his room since the day the invitation had arrived.

Talia sighs, murmurs for the rest of the pack to get ready to leave and steps into Derek's room. She can still remember how Derek had cried and cried and cried in her arms after she'd found him. Can still remember how he'd vomited, great shuddering heaves, when he realised his hands were still stained with Paige's blood. And how he'd pleaded in his sleep for Paige to forgive him, screamed out his apologise. She sat on the bed and ran a gentle hand down his spine. Derek shuddered.

"…It was my fault." He whispers and Talia doesn't say anything, doesn't shush him or gather him up against her the way she wants to. "If it weren't for me she'd still be alive. And I-" He chokes and Talia lets out a noise that's a rumble and a hum all at once and Derek breaths and continues.

"I killed her Mom. I-I," he shakes his head, tries to hide the tears Talia can already smell, "I don't deserve to go to her- her-"

"Funeral." Talia finishes with a sigh, then she leans down and kisses his hair. "Ok baby. Not until you're ready at least." With one last stroke down Derek's back Talia leaves the room and joins the rest of their family in the cars.

—

It's a beautiful ceremony and Talia, though she hadn't really known the girl, couldn't help but shed tears. Both for the girl and for the pain Derek was still going through. Later she drew Paige's parents aside and apologised for Derek's absence, which was brushed aside as unimportant.

—

Derek doesn't come down for dinner again that night.

—

It's nearly two weeks later that Derek comes down to the den and calls out to her. He's wearing things she hasn't seen him in in weeks, plain shirts and plaid button ups that are un-buttoned. When she asks him what's wrong he just says, "Please mom, I- I need- I think I'm ready to-" and falls silent with a frustrated growl but Talia understands.

It takes nearly forty minutes to get to the cemetery, mainly because half way through town Derek suddenly yells for her to stop and darts out of the car while they're still rolling. By the time Talia has the car off and locked and is in the florist Derek is already frozen in front of a group of camellias, staring at them.

"They were her favourite." Derek says finally, "That's… what you do, right? You bring flowers when you go to graves." His voice shakes on the last word and he looks so lost, so utterly unsure on what to do and it jolts through her again how very young Derek is.

"Yeah baby, that's what you do." Talia sighs and rubs his shoulder, "Let's get her a bunch shall we?"

—

Later in the car Derek cuts off the next bit on inane chatter Talia had to say, "She told me what her favourite flowers were a few weeks before-" he coughs but continues, "I was gonna get her some, surprise her y'know, but I wanted to wait a bit, didn't want to seem to eager. I just- I'm such an idiot. I should've gotten her the fucking flowers when I had the chance."

Derek's shaking now, hands gripping the flower stems to hard but Talia doesn't say anything. Instead she says, "Been a while since I've seen you dressed like that."

Derek glances down at himself and nods jerkily. "Y-Yeah, it's. P-Paige always liked it when I wore clothes like this." He laughs, bitter. "Said it made me look cute."

—

The sun's still high when Talia leads Derek to Paige's grave, he could probably find it himself, the ground and air still soaked with tears and dispare but he doesn't. Talia holds back as Derek steps up to the headstone, hands clenched too tight around the flowers.

"Hey," he finally whispers forehead pressed to the stone, "sorry it took me so long to get here, you know how I am with time, always losing track.

"And hey, I finally got you those flowers. Told you I would." He places the flowers down, "So what's it like up there Pay-day? Oh god, remember the first time I called you that?" He's crying now, gasping and choking around the words, "And you asked me what the hell I was going on about and I told you that when I was around you everyday felt like pay-day. A-And you groan and punched me and told me I wasn't funny at all.

"I-I just wanted you to know that I didn't forget about you. That I never will. And th-that I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so fucking sorry. This is a-all my fault and I ne-never wanted you to get hurt. An-And I wish I could do something, anything to- to change what happened. An-And I-" Whatever Derek tries to say next is lost under a sea of choking gasps and wrenching sobs as he shudders against Paige's headstone.

—

It's long since turned dark when they get home.


End file.
